Cocaine, Bad Habits & Influence

Osmosis [ oz-moh-sis ]

2) a subtle or gradual absorption or mingling

The Hook

Have you ever spent time with someone, and after a while, you noticed you shared tendencies? A laugh, a joke, a way of speaking, thought patterns, hobbies, habits? I have.

Often we look for someone to laugh at our jokes, notice our effort, show up when it matters to us, and while I can't say I don't agree on some of those points, I think there is something more important than the qualities listed above. Let's go back 15 years and see how osmosis unfolds in our lives when we're not careful with whom we start building relationships.

During my twenties, I had begun to play a card game at a shop on Friday nights. I met some new friends, and they invited me over to play at their house after. Yes, this is that sort of nerdy game you hear about in the movies. When I first came in, there was a table in the center of the room with the card game at the center, glass devices in people's hands. The room smelled so strong with some odd odor, and I'm really uninitiated with drugs at this point, I felt puzzled and out of place sitting there. This was the first time I was invited into a contrary lifestyle than what was modeled for me at home, and while I didn't know it was expressly wrong (or was never taught that), I knew it was different and felt out of place.

After this first interaction, I would be invited over to their house for years to come, and while I was out of place in some aspects, I did get along in personality and hobby, but not in choices and habits. But over the next months being invited over, there was a mingling and equilibrium that was found.

I remember distinctly being invited over one night; there was cocaine in the middle of the kitchen table, which was unusual for them. They had a square table, about 2 feet by 2 feet, with a sense of 70s-esque that didn't feel cool but just dated, but oddly... a certain sterile warmth about it. One guy was sitting at the table using his ID to finely chop the coke into dust. He was focused, slightly manic, and a little crazy, and I don't mean in the 21st-century way people use the terminology. I felt confused on what was going on and most of all, what to do with myself.

After months of watching them do cocaine, I remember thinking, "This doesn't seem that crazy," and voilà... prolonged exposure to their lifestyles had begun to change the way I saw cocaine. Once I was around long enough, it wasn't as taboo as before, and hear me, I never set out to try cocaine or any other drugs in particular, but when what was scary and uncomfortable became constant, it was redefined not by how I saw it but by how they saw it. Shortly after, I tried cocaine, and the rest is history. I know how easy it can be to be around people you get along with and share hobbies and chemistry, but if you don't account for their character and poor choices, you will begin to let osmosis turn the moments, choices, and relationships that felt off and uneasy into something you enjoy, advocate, and share with someone else that may feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and out of place.

Oh, and P.S.

Take it from someone who has shared some bad habits and poor choices: you may grow on, but you will leave a wake of people who may not grow past what you shared with them in your low moments.

Your friend,

Charles